TLDR: we have been together 8 years and have a perfect relationship, but we had a conversation that solidified this fundamental disagreement and now I can’t decide what I want more, him or kids. I know this is one of those things that people say is a simple non negotiable and fundamental relationship ender but I guess I’m looking for community, advice and nuance. Basically we have been together for almost 8 years, we started dating when I was 16 and he was 19 and I can only describe it as a sort of love at first sight for me. We’re from the same hometown and I had a crush on him for a year before finally giving him my number, but the rest was history. We have been through so many ups and downs and growing pains together, and we have reached a point now in our relationship that we are both so in love and dedicated to one another. It is so secure and healthy, and we truly are each other’s bestest friends. It is truly a perfect relationship for us and the connection just grows deeper and stronger with time. All of that being said, the only true fundamental issue has been how we feel about children. I have always wanted a family, when I was a little girl I would take care of the younger kids at camp and daycare, and would babysit throughout my adolescence. I love kids, I just get them. He on the other hand, has never felt any sort of paternal desire, and lacks any connection with children. For the past few years we both had this sort of fundamental feeling but would teeter totter between our ultimate decisions, like I’ve always wanted to be a mother but do I really want to make all the sacrifices required to raise children? And he would wonder if maybe he was just young and as he says “too selfish” to make those sacrifices too and felt like he wouldn’t have the time to do it right. I am currently studying abroad and over FaceTime yesterday he pretty much said that he has been giving it a lot of thought and came to the conclusion t...

My (23f) boyfriend (25m) and I are at a crossroads and I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. Everything has been going great for the most part until recently. To cut a long story short, we cannot agree on whether or not to have children. For him, it’s a life goal, but for me, it just doesn’t interest me. He comes from an amazing family who have not fallen short in welcoming me in, but I’m always in for a surprise whenever I spend time with them. Whether it be staying the night or a big family gathering, I’m always shocked at how together and happy they all seem to be. All of his relatives and parents are married and did so prior to having kids. On my side of the family, almost everyone that comes to mind has been divorced. I grew up looking after my cousins and siblings almost like another parent, so only now am I getting to enjoy things that I couldn’t before on my own accord, especially now that I can pay for myself. For him, having kids is a life goal and is something he 100% wants to do, considering that’s what he’s used to seeing all around him. On the other hand, I feel like my childhood ticked that box for me and, as selfish as it sounds, I’d like to start living for me. Don’t get me wrong, kids are cute and funny and sweet, and I do enjoy playing around with nieces and nephews from both of our families, but I think part of that enjoyment comes from knowing that they’re not my responsibility. They’re going home with their mum and dad at the end if the day. I also think I carry the fear of pregnancy and giving birth, with all the horror stories you hear. And the fear of not being a good parent, not having the patience, just not having the motherly touch I’m supposed to. The thought of having a long day at work and coming home to screaming, pestering kids when all I want is to lay down and have a minute. The fear of being ...